Accepting the end of a friendship ….

If you’ve read my previous posts, you know that I had a falling out with a friend years ago. It has been about eight years since we had spoken last, and every year I would send a letter or a Christmas card hoping she’d make contact with me. No luck. But I never gave up. I knew her dad’s phone number, but was too afraid to call. She wasn’t on Facebook. I just put it in fate’s hands.

Lo and behold just a few days before Christmas this year, I was checking out at a store and saw her walking by. I yelled her name as loud as I possibly could. I probably gained a few stares. Then I ran over to her and gave her a huge hug, falling into tears. I wasn’t sobbing, but was pretty damn close. 

We chatted for about ten minutes. I found out she’s engaged and lives just about five minutes from me. FIVE MINUTES. I’ve spent years trying to connect with her, and here she’s been around the corner. Turns out she is on FB, just her privacy settings made her impossible to find. I got home, found her on FB, friended her and was just beyond belief that she had walked back into my life.

After Christmas, I texted her since we exchanged phone numbers. We “chatted” about the upcoming snow storm and she suggested that we get together for coffee after the New Year. She works in retail and obviously was working a lot of overtime. Great. Sounds good.

Fast forward to last Thursday. I text her to suggest we get together soon. No reply. Okay. That’s fine because I didn’t really pose a question. It was just a suggestion. Yesterday, I texted her and said “Hey, it’s Tracy” just in case she didn’t have my # plugged in and had no idea who the first text was from. I asked if she would like to get together for coffee next week.

No response.

In a word, I’m crushed. 

Eight years. Eight years apart over the stupidest little argument. We’re in our 30s now. She was such an important part of my life. She even stood up in my wedding. I was so excited and shaking when I saw her. I called my mom in tears, just overjoyed. I’ll admit, I imagined her coming over, hanging out, getting to know my family, going to her wedding, spending some time over the holidays together. I was back into best friend mode 8 years ago.

I’ll give it a few days. Maybe she’s busy. Maybe she’s out of town. 

Or maybe she was just humoring me by giving me her contact information. False hope.

I’m 34 and don’t know how to accept this. I don’t know how to deal with her walking back into my life and then disappearing. Part of me wants to let it go. It was nice to run into her, maybe I will again some day, and move on. The other part of me wants to text her and ask her why she suggested a month ago to get together if that was never her intention.

A lot of people will say to just let it go. I get that. But it’s hard. How do you do that? I feel like I never had closure the first time we disconnected. And now here we go again.

I guess the only solution I know, is to write ….

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